“All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.”.“A straightforward deal! Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t have my straightforward deal fedora on me! We gotta stop at my storage unit!”.“One man came and lifted us all up…and that man was me!”.“I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to ’cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.”.One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime? And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy?” What were we doing in between? Sex stuff.” “We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning.“I want to open up my own club one day, maybe call it something like Club a Dub Dub, or the Club Marine.“Snakejuice! I thought these were destroyed by the FDA!”.“Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.”.Not loving ‘90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. “When I’m dating someone, I have a list called my ‘Oh No Nos.’ If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship.Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.” “At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails.Kramer, or something, which I think was Shakespeare.” Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. My favorite movie is Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. “I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.”.“Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn’t notice.”.This is actually a dog couch, but it’s super comfortable.” “This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow-I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!”.“No, I don’t text her, ‘It was nice meeting you.’ I wait eight weeks and I text her, ‘What’s crackin?’”.Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.” Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. “How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet.So my bar my bar for stunning is pretty high.” “This morning I saw a YouTube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle.The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to both of us.” But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. “If all goes well, this might be one of the last times I get to speak to you.”.Those are some Bone Thugs-N-Harmoniums, right here. “Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, I just give her the names of rappers.RELATED: The Coziest Cashmere For Cool Guys Everywhere - Because Dads Deserve Nice Things, Too So take some time to treat yo’self and LOL at some of our favorite Tom Haverford lines. Which is why we rounded up some of the best and funniest Tom Haverford quotes. One of TV’s best characters, Tom Haverford is both lovable and narcissistic, and famous for dishing out some memorable one-liners - along with some Ron Swanson and Andy Dwyer quotes. Parks and Rec might be off the air but the love of its unique characters lives on, including Aziz Ansari’s Tom Haverford.
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